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I'm a mommy of 3 baby girls, engaged, student for Science teaching, and a writer, my first book is out, and I love to hear suggestions, constructive criticism or just about you!

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

First chapter of Dark Hearts

You can read this even if you haven't read Dark Pirate (available Here and here) but you will enjoy it more if you have. It is still a stand alone book, and it should be out sometime in February! This has some adult content, so no eyes under 17. :) The picture is just a working cover, I have different plans for the actual one but I like to have covers as I write.

Dark Hearts

Chapter 1


Ian McDuff had it in spades. Literally, he had it in spades, as he laid his full house out for all to see. They all cursed, throwing their cards in anger. The very lovely, delectable card dealer grinned, bending down to hand him the chips as he got an amazing view of her perky tits through her sexy cut out black and red jersey. He stared and she knew it, giving him a wink and shake of her head.
He bit his lip as he looked her up and down, knowing he was getting her ready with just that up and down glance. She grew flush as he stood, smirking. “Miss Best, I’d like a word.”
She nodded, excusing herself and following him up the red carpeted stairs, entering the elevator with him as he pushed his floor, twenty-one. They were stopped by his assistant, Charlotte McNeil, who looked quite disheveled. He stopped the doors open for her and she heaved a sigh of relief, handing him a book with papers atop it and a Bic pen.
“Mr. McDuff, I need you to sign these really quick.”
“Now?” He demanded with an arched brow, and she blushed as she looked at the girl holding on to Ian’s pants. The blush made her very pale skin actually look lovely.
“So sorry. Do you mind?”
He exhaled; signing his name on each X. Charlotte did all the paperwork, all the calls, really most things he didn’t want to bother with. She was rather nerdy, in a gray skirt and jacket and purple turtleneck. He had no clue if she had a nice body because it was never shown off, but one could definitely tell she was tiny. She was maybe five foot with her pumps.
“Where are my glasses? Shoot.” She mumbled. He let her search for a minute, before pulling them off the top of her messy dark brown hair and handing them to her. She blushed more and he grew impatient. “Thanks sir.”
She grabbed the books, checking them and nodding. “Anything else you need?” He asked coolly.
“No, sir. Sorry again.”
He nodded, gesturing for her to leave. She backed up and almost tripped in her haste. Luckily she caught herself and then ran off. He shook his head. She was the clumsiest girl, but truly worth her weight in gold. She ran everything with the utmost efficiency. He returned to Lila, holding her to him.
“How have I not fucked you yet?”
She giggled. “I don’t know. Looks like McNeil wants you too.”
“Charlotte? No way.”
“You don’t see the way she looks at you?”
“No. Not my type anyway. I like my girls a little more… flashy.”
She looked up at him, her almond-shaped brown eyes glimmering behind her thick black fake lashes. He sure knew how to hire. “What is it you wanted to talk to me about Mr. McDuff?”
He smiled slightly, pulling her thin white straps down of her cut off shirt and kissing her shoulder, biting his lip at the goose bumps that arose off her tan skin. She shivered slightly as he slowly placed butterfly kisses up her neck.
“I just wanted to evaluate your work performance.”
“You’ll find I have a strong work ethic.” She whispered, grabbing his cock in her hand over his black Armani slacks. He groaned, and caught her full lips against his. As the ding sounded and the doors opened he picked her up in his arms as if she weighed nothing, smirking at her shocked gasp. Not many women knew how strong as we was for his size.
He slid his card in the door and as the light went green he opened it, kicked it shut and through the sexy blonde on his bed. She whimpered, starting to pull down her red mini but he stopped her, catching her gaze in his.
“I do that.” He said softly.
She nodded and he proceeded to do just as he pleased. Ian wasn’t satisfied until he got a girl off at least five times before he had sex. He rarely had to wait long. As much of a player as he was he was by no means selfish. It took Lila about three minutes. Not a record, but not bad.
After he had her good and ready, he went to his closet and broke out the leather whip, gag, blindfold, rope and handcuffs, all made with red velvet to make them much more luxorious versus the usual leather. She didn’t look surprised, just excited. He arched a brow at her. “You ready for this?” He asked and she nodded eagerly, licking her lips.
“I’ve heard of freakier things from you.” She said teasingly. He gave her a sexy half smile, slowly undressing.
“Not the first time, sweetheart.”
*****
Ian stared in the elevator on the way down at a beautiful raven-haired girl. She looked young, which is why he didn’t look long. She was a super thin, lithe, maybe five foot four or so. Her eyes were what stuck with him, this beautiful cornflower blue with hints of emerald, big as doe’s eyes.
She was in a leather jacket and sexy dark jeans that hugged her perfectly, black heeled boots that accentuated what the jeans did. He grimaced at his own stamina. Fucking that hot blond employee of his should have satiated him for longer than this, but he had a weakness for blue eyes. He looked down, clearing his throat, growing angry at how shy he was acting. He was Ian McDuff for Christ’s sake.
She glanced over at him, her eyes popping against her dark, thick eyeliner and tan skin. She smiled ever so slightly, easing her very serious look. “Jane.” She said with a nod, a sexy throaty voice that made him contemplate pushing her against the elevator wall.
“Ian.” He said simply and she nodded, giving him a once over, appraising his expensive black suit, and no doubt noticing his disheveled red striped tie and crooked collar. She leaned over, folding his collar down and adjusting said tie, then went back to leaning against the elevator wall. In shock, it was by far the longest ride of his life, and he had ridden this elevator thousands of times.
“Better.” She said simply, looking down at her black nails.
He grinned at her. “Thanks. You visiting?”
She shrugged. “I guess. Here for the black jack, really. You?”
The very slow elevator finally reached the ground floor and the doors opened. “I kind of own it.”
She laughed. “Yeah, okay.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, okay.” He repeated simply. He had no need to impress the girl.
She sauntered off sexily and he appraised her high, round little ass. Grimacing and biting his lip he cursed his constant horniness. He had thought as a man it wouldn’t be so bad, but he was forever a teenager. He was so enthralled he almost didn’t get out, and the doors started to close. Holding his black leather briefcase out to stop them, he walked out, shaking his head with a sigh.
“Mr. McDuff.” Out came his big Italian bodyguard. From Jersey, he epitomized everything it meant. He had the slicked back greasy black hair, the super tan skin. He was about six five and big as an ox but always had a mani and pedi, which amused him to no end. He grinned, putting his arm around him.
“How are ya Vincenzo?”
“Another day, Mr. McDuff.”
“Yes, yes it is. A glorious one at that.”
He walked through, talking to each employee he saw. Fixing things that most people didn’t notice, the rug scrunched up here, a crooked picture there. The casino was big, bright and beautiful, with vivid colors of red, black and purple, plush thick carpeting and bright lights. It was full of beautiful women who flocked to the lucky men of the night, most of them high class hookers, and the frazzled men with crooked ties who weren’t doing so well. There were also plenty of old women, who never left the slot machines.
As he walked toward his office, strolling past the enormous, lit up circular stone fountain with a few women in their bras and panties he smiled as the waterfall hit them. Many people thought they were crazy drunk girls, but they were merely employees of his. He was a lucky guy indeed.
*****
“Yes, mom, I know. Ugh, mom I’m fine. You worry too much. No mom, I don’t want to visit. You come out here. Yeah, yeah I know. Mom. MOM. Okay. Yeah, yeah, love you too. Sure. This weekend? Um. Okay. Whatever. Bye. I said I love you. Mom! Okay. Bye.”
He hung up the phone with an angry swipe, going back to his favorite game his mom had taken his attention from. As she called again he rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to swipe the fuck you button on her. Instead, he swiped green.
“Mom, what? Okay. Okay.” He sighed at his ranting mom. “You’re bitchy with your old age.”
Vincenzo chuckled as she screamed ‘Old?’ so loud he had to hold the phone away from his ear. Ian chuckled silently, listening to his mom complain about him never going to the doctor, since he’d had a slight cold. She wanted him to get medicine so he didn’t ‘catch his death’. He listened to her rant, everything going out the other ear. That never changed either.
“Okay mom, I’m busy. Don’t worry, Vincenzo thinks your old ass is still bangable.”
“Ian McDuff!”
He chuckled at her high pitch. “Love you. See you this weekend.” He swiped to hang up, going back to his game and ignoring the three next calls from his girlfriends. Only his mom could get him away from his jewel game.
Vincenzo cleared his throat and Ian arched a brow. “Why would you tell your mom that, sir?”
“Because it’s true. You eye fuck her every time she’s in town. Don’t blush because I can’t tell with your fake ass tan.” Vincenzo sputtered and Ian laughed. “Just fucking with you. It’s okay, I’m used to it by now. She’s almost forty and everyone is still all over her.”
“She is timeless.”
“Don’t tell her that. Tell her you see some crow’s feet. Hah! I got a high score.”
Ian sighed as another woman called. “More girls?” Vinnie asked.
“Yes. I shouldn’t give my number out any more. I don’t say call me as in call me twenty times a day. Girls are pathetic. Too easy. At this point, I’d like a challenge.”
“Hmm.”
Ian arched an eyebrow at his friend for a moment. “It’s true.” As a knock sounded, Ian rolled his eyes. “Come in, Charlotte.”
Vinnie smiled at the girl who strode in, chewing on a pencil. “Your grandfather called me. We have to do a write up of expenses.”
He grimaced, gesturing to his desk. “Have fun.”
She nodded, going through and finding all the receipts and statements she could.
“Why go for the easy ones then?” Vinnie asked, and Ian smiled as he remembered their conversation.
 “They’re all easy.” Ian replied.
“No. You just haven’t found the right one. Isn’t that right, Charlotte?” Vin asked.
She looked up at the two men, her full pink lips, which had no makeup as usual, arching into an actually very attractive smile. “Not all girls are easy.”
“They are for me.” Ian said, and she looked up at him, surprised. He noticed her dark blue eyes behind her black rimmed plastic glasses. They were really appealing as well. How had he never had noticed them for the two years she’d been working with him?
“Of course, Mr. McDuff.”
He chuckled as she got back to stacking some papers. “Well thanks, Charlotte. Not much of a complimentary girl, are you?”
“I don’t want to be unprofessional. Of course you’re gorgeous. Like a Calvin Klein model.” At his raised eyebrows and Vinnie’s guffaw she got up and walked out quickly, looking down the whole way. “Good bye, sir.”
“You’re mean.”
“What?”
Vinnie shut the door behind her, turning to fix a scowl at him. “Poor girl is in love with you.”
“Oh whatever, you always say that. She is just a nerd.”
“You’re a dick. She’s not easy.”
“She would be easier, actually, because she doesn’t have men all over her. No competition.”
“She’s not a bad looking broad.” Vinnie said, looking confused.
Ian shook his head. “She’s not bad? Okay, look what I get. I get not just tens, Vin, elevens. Twelves, even. Not up to par.”
“You’re such a shallow dick. You need to go to church. Find God, or something, boss.”
He laughed loudly. “Hell no. Sorry to offend, but you know I don’t believe in much. Only believe in my badass self. Don’t scoff; I’ll dock your pay. Scoff again. Shut up, Vinnie.”
Ian went on with his game, until his elusive granddad called. Ian couldn’t ignore this one. He was already expecting it. “Ian.”
“Yes?”
“I’ll be comin inta town lad. By weeks end.”
Ian blanched. Connor and his dad in the same room? Great. “Okay, great.”
“I trust everything ta be ta me likin lad? I’m old as dirt, lad. Time ta hand over more responsibilities ta ye.”
Ian gulped. “Yes, sir, I’m sure you will be very confident in me.”
“Aye, good. Lord know yer Da can’t take over, he’s too busy with the lass and their little lassie.”
Ian smiled as he thought of Maggie, his little sister, the spitting image of his mom when she was younger except for her black hair from Connor. She was the sweetest, smartest little thing. “Yes, I know. Also he sucks at running this place.”
His grandfather chuckled. “Aye, laddie, he does. I’ll let ye go.”
“Bye, see you soon.”
He hung up, shaking hands. He was so nervous. He hoped he liked everything. For three years now this had been his whole life. “We have one week to really get this place straight. Not just great but perfect, Vinnie. You got me?”
“Yes, sir.”
Ian sighed. No more matching jewels for now. He slid the skinny, curved silver smartphone in his pocket and stood. He looked in his massive, gold bordered body mirror; making sure things were straightened up. Vinnie scoffed and Ian’s handsome reflection smirked as Vinnie came by his side to fix his own hair. Never let it be said these weren’t conceited.
Ian was around five-ten, with perfect cheekbones and a strong jaw and chin, perfect white teeth. His dark brown hair was a tad messy from its slick back, but try as he might it wouldn’t smooth. He shrugged his broad shoulders. They weren’t massive like Vinnie’s, but he damn sure worked out two hours a day, sans steroids. Naturally skinny, he had to eat a lot and work out more to keep his physique.
Ian nodded to his reflection after tugging his slim fitting jacket down, and sauntered off with Vinnie to take care of business.
*****
“We’ve got a counter.” Vinnie used his watch that was also a smart phone to connect to Ian.
“I’ll come check it.” Ian replied.
“We got it if you’re busy, boss.”
“I know you got it, but I wanna make sure they deserve… getting ‘it’. Okay?”
“Yes, sir.”
Ian sighed, walking away from chewing out an employee for over pouring. He was not a fan of wasting the casino’s money so the bartender could afford her boob job with tips. He was by no means against chewing out a hot girl. They fucked up worse than the average ones, even though they looked much better doing it.
He strode away from the girl, who was nearly in tears, after putting a hand on her shoulder and letting her go with one last warning. The girl was pouring three shots over consistently. He passed many people who kept stopping him, needing this, wanting to know that. It was exhausting but exciting at the same time, the industry.
When he finally reached the security floor he strode up to the five guidos, feeling vastly pale and skinny as usual. “Oh, white boy! Right over here.”
Ian chuckled. “Women love it. The vampire obsession. That’s why I get more pussy than all of you juiceheads.”
“Oh!!”
Ian smirked and Michael Costello, one of the heads of security, ruffled his perfect hair, getting greeted by a scowl that even the big, muscly body builder couldn’t help but be frightened by. “Sorry, sir.”
“Mmm hmmm. Let’s see.”
They zoomed in on a gorgeous raven-haired beauty and he instantly recognized her by the outfit. She sure was counting, too. “See?”
“Don’t beat her up. She’s a girl. Scare her off, but none of the usual.”
“Got it, boss.”
He knew something was up with her. “Give me a ring if there are any problems. Good find.”
Ian went back down to making sure people were happy, employees were working hard, and that the mood was a fun, relaxed one. Stealing a glass of champagne from one of the servers, he sauntered over to roulette to make sure things were good there. The roulette girl was also a bombshell, wearing the sexy cut out red and black jersey uniform, that showed the undersides of her breasts as she bent down.
“I’m a fucking teenager.” He muttered, sighing. One would think after doing this for years he’d get over this but he was just as horny as ever.
He shook his head and walked off. He’d fucked her a few times already. She’d even been in his favorite room, he remembered with a smile. Sticking his hands in his slacks he did his rounds, pausing only when he saw the girl, Jane, being taken away by two of his men. He should let them handle it…
As he followed he wondered what was wrong with him. He kept a good distance from her and the giant of a man, his good friend Paul Petrecelli. He had her by the arm but was in no way rough with her. That was a good sign. As they hit the elevator he walked out the doors to the emergency stairs and jogged up them.
He came to the floor just in time to catch them walking out of the chrome elevator doors and took a deep breath, wondering just what was wrong with him, sneaking around his damn casino like he had when he’d been a teenager following his grandpa and dad around. He sighed, following them to the doors of one of their many secret rooms in the back.
The door opened to the almost pure black room, nothing in their save a chair, tools and two big guys. They sat her down and looked up to see Ian. They nodded and he walked in, wanting to make sure the big oafs were gentlemanly. She looked up, not scared at all, at him, and smiled a treacherous little smile, disturbing him in its familiarity.
“We don’t want to hurt you. You’re lucky you ain’t got a dick. Leave your chips and go, and don’t come back, and we will have no issue.” Paul said, and she laughed.
“I’m not scared. Do what you want. It’s my goddamn money.”
“The hell it is. We don’t take kindly to cheaters here.” Michael leaned in front of the girl as he growled out the words. She crossed her legs and arms, laughing again.
“Strategy, not cheating.”
“My ass. Don’t come back.”
“Give me my money and I won’t.”
“Fuck no.”
She chuckled once more, peeking up at him with a cocked eyebrow. It was then he noticed how blond that eyebrow was compared to the black of her hair. He grew suspicious. “So you do own this place, huh? Call off your goons.”
Ian shook his head. “How do I know you?”
She smiled once more, then all of a sudden in a flash she had Paul down on the ground, high heeled boot to his throat, and as Michael came to her she pulled a small sword out of her leather knee high. Ian ran for it, attempting to knock it out of her hand as another guard used his watch-phone to get ahold of the police posted out front of the casino.
She put his hand in some sort of ninja death grip, dislocating three fingers. Shocked, he quickly popped them back as she held a knife to his throat, after having knocked Michael out by a chop to the neck with her hand.
“Dear brother, has it been so long?”
Ian sputtered. “B-b-brother?”
“Yes. Have fun staring at my ass?” She grinned, looking positively maniacal, and he had a death grip on her arm to prevent her from slicing his throat.
He felt sick to his stomach. “I only have one sister, and she’d only be maybe fifteen? No way. She’s locked up.”
“Hah. Rehabilitated last year. I’m sane. A fake ID, wig and padding help me look a little older. Seems to have worked.”
At the demonic look in her eyes, all sorts of awful memories came flooding back, seeing his mom nearly dead because of this bitch. He threw her off him and pinned her down so quickly, even the ninja girl couldn’t escape or even breathe. He scowled down at her.
Liza.” He had already taken her dagger. She panicked, breathing quickly and shaking her head.
“You wouldn’t.”
“The fuck I wouldn’t. I’m not Mom. I don’t have any sympathy for you.”
As the cold metal tip started to puncture her throat she gulped. “I’ll leave. I wasn’t going to hurt you, I swear. Till they caught me.”
“Sure. I’ll believe a socio.”
She scowled up at him. “I didn’t kill you. I could have. Let me go and you won’t see me again, I swear. I just wanted to know how you all were doing, not interfere-”
“Don’t go near Mom. Ever.” He managed to bite out between his clenched teeth as he looked at his knocked out men on the floor. She nodded, no doubt fake tears in her blue eyes.
“How is she? Will you tell me that?”
“Better, now that she has a new daughter who doesn’t stab her.”

She shivered at the coldness in his voice. He had the strangest moment of sympathy as he remembered her as a toddler, so smart and sweet and annoying. This was his half-sister. Could he kill her? Did he have it in him?


Leave any thoughts below! It is a work in progress, like Myself. :) Thanks!

Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/434pics/, credit to the original creator, i have just built upon it

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Missing dad, and how I have changed the past three years.

So it has been almost three years since I lost my father. On March 5th, it will be official. I still miss him just as much, if not more, the longer I go without hearing his voice, getting his advice, getting one of his big bear hugs... but I can't believe how much I've grown these past three years. My priorities are 1. Kids 2. School 3. everything else (Justin of course, with the kids)

We all grow, of course, only I had to grow up quicker than most, losing my father, right after I had my first daughter, Caelin, at twenty one. I went from a life of partying, drama and a very full social life, where every little problem was so huge even though it was petty. Where my fiance and I fought non stop, though I'm not taking all the blame there. :) But still, the stupid things we fought over, the so called 'friends' we let come between us, and the actually good friends I sometimes pushed away, really makes no logical sense to me.

I should start of by explaining, I had anxiety, and still do, and a little depression back then. That is why I had to drink just to deal with people, besides my family and Justin. I didn't go to college, but got a good part time job, that was a great experience, but I wish I had gone so that it would have been a little easier.

Now I am in my second year of college, with a 4.0 so far, for Science education. My days are spent studying, taking care of my three kids, struggling to keep my house not looking like a tornado hit it, writing, cooking, walking, and reading in between the chaos, usually right before I knock out at the late hour of 9 pm, if I'm lucky I can hold my eyes open long enough to say something to my fiance before he gets here. I wouldn't have it another way.

Now, that I have children, huge problems seem minuscule. I know I can overcome anything. I have lost all of my grandparents but one, my father... those are biggies, but I've handled them with grace. We're slam broke, our rent piling up, things in pawn shops, one income until I get student loan returns at least, and we struggle. But the kids have everything they need.

I am rambling, like always. I am proud of myself, finally, and that is crazy to say. I am a good mom, the best I can be. I spend all my time reading to them, dancing and singing with them, teaching them science, math and even a little keyboard. I love them more than my life, and they make any bad mood turn around. I am so blessed to have them, though they make everything ten times harder, they make things ten times better. Everything they do I am amazed by. Olivia trying to crawl, Bella doing somersaults, Caelin singing full songs and knowing the planets and so much more.

I am proud I am in college, with three kids it's not easy, but I've been doing it, and i'm going to finish. I'm proud I am finally writing again, something I have always loved. Im almost done writing a book I started at the beginning of December, and that is just awesome for someone who didn't write for two years. I'm also proud of my weight loss, I weigh less now than I did before I was pregnant with Caelin. 

I am not perfect, not at all. Not even close. I cuss too much, I am not organized at all, I am clumsy and constantly bruising myself or hurting my knee that seems to get achier every time. I am too easy on my older kids, becuase I can't stand to see them upset. I am not the nicest person sometimes, sometimes I can just flip out on Justin, but in turn he does that too, and we know we'll forgive each other. Our relationship, eight years going on, is stronger than ever, a friendship with more passion than before, unbelievably.

I digress, I am proud of who I have beecome, but I am NOT ashamed of who I was. I have always been a good person with good morals and values, kind and fun and smart and creative. I was YOUNG. That's all that was. I wish my dad was here to see the woman I've become, or should I say am becoming, because there is much room to grow, to change. Some say he is watching me. I don't know, but if so I hope he knows the biggest reason I am who I am today is because of how they raised me. Sure, they fought a lot, and we fought, but at the end of the day my values, pride, and brains are from them.

I hope to be the best parent possible, to give my kids the best life possible, and to tell them stories of They're grandfather they didn't meet. I hurt less, cry less, but sometimes it's still a raw wound, and I can just look at a picture of us and cry, other days I am joking about something. Justin is here for me, as are family, who may be far away but I now they care. And I have my babies who make me so happy, keep me so busy. I am blessed to have them in my life, and was blessed to have my dad. I miss you pops.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Such an emotional day. I think my seven year long love with my high school sweetheart, baby daddy and best friend has grown today. We have gotten so caught up in all our bills, the stress, the routine of the kiddos, we don't even sleep in the same bed. It's been hard. We forgot just how to actually be a couple and not just friends that raise children together. I couldn't be more happy or more satisfied that we have worked on ourselves so much. He supports me in everything and I love him and our three AMAZING girls more than anything! +dark_lotus_4@hotmail.com  :)